Leonard Cohen vs Donald Trump

On November 8, 2016 the obsolete Electoral College of the United States did its fellow citizens – and the world as a whole – a huge disservice by placing Donald Trump in the White House.

The same day Leonard Cohen, poet and prophet of the downtrodden, died from injuries sustained when his ailing, leukemia-ridden body took a tumble down a flight of stairs in his home.

To muggles and the unenlightened, this may seem like a depressing or even telling coincidence. The Universe says there’s no such thing.

I’m sure that are people out there thinking to themselves, “How are you comparing Leonard Cohen and Donald Trump? It’s apples and oranges, Canadians and Americans, Jews and Christians!” While all these differences exist (yeah, yeah, no one with half a brain would call Trump a Christian), both men have had tremendous impacts on society, for better or worse. It’s also like comparing Jesus and Hitler (if you need a hint, the Jews are on the same side).

Both men were born into affluence, Cohen the son of a clothing retailer, Trump the scion of real estate nobility. While Cohen took advantage of his modest trust to create first novels and poetry and later music, Trump was concerned with acquisition of money at a very young age.

Cohen is well known for songs of love, loss, innocence and guilt but despite the somewhat philandering themes of his music, he spent decades at a time with one woman. Trump may have been married to a woman for years, but how many women did he sleep with outside of his vows? 17? 42? 23? Who the fuck knows. Probably not even his cocaine-addled ass.

Perhaps one of Leonard Cohen’s most well-known songs is “Suzanne.” As a young, trusting artist, Cohen signed the rights to the song away and ended up not making a dime off the song. But to Cohen, making money off of art was almost sinful.  “It would be wrong to write [a song that was so well-loved] and to get rich for it too,” he said of the debacle. Maybe said shady music publisher was a Trump?

This is the extent of Trump’s musical abilities:

All snark aside, the fundamental differences between these two – one a saint, the other a “cheeseburger addicted man-baby” (thank you Michael Hayne) – can be summed up by their quotes and reactions to horrible situations.

When Kurt Kobain killed himself, Cohen said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t have spoken to the young man. I see a lot of people at the Zen Centre, who have gone through drugs and found a way out that is not just Sunday school. There are always alternatives, and I might have been able to lay something on him.” This may seem arrogant to some, but he was a Buddhist monk and them dudes know some shit.

I have not been able to find any Trump quotes about suicide, but what he said about John McCain’s time as a POW proves that there is no soul in that pasty, flaccid shell. “He’s not a war hero. He’s a hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.” What a douche. Luckily, he had “heel spurs” that prevented him from active duty but didn’t stop him from playing sports in college. McCain escaped the tiger cage. Would Trump? I think we all know the answer to that.

I could go on. Mention the quasi-rapes and adultery, the flip-flopping, the absolute utter lack of leadership ability. But why? I’m preaching to the choir. No one is changing their mind about either of these men due to this ill-conceived tirade.

That said, only one of these two men have sang the phrase “Give me crack and anal sex” and managed to make it sound kinda classy. (Hint #2: it’s isn’t #NotMyPresident)


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