The Camaro Witch Tour Chronicles
Part I

    For the record, I know we last left off with me being kidnapped after the Milwaukee show by St. Louis’ LOFREQ, then being drug on a wild goose chase in search of Chicago. I could tell you that what happened the next seven days was nothing but a blur (and you’d probably believe me) but, in actuality, I can’t find these missing days amongst my notes to save my life. Granted I do remember enough to conjure something up, but this particular part of the tour was Dixie Witch only (and I’m sure you’ve probably had enough of them anyways). In any event, I decided to skip Chicago, Des Moines, Denver, and the hella drive to Seattle from there…picking up on the West Coast tour with the mighty Camarosmith. The main things you missed out on were an awesome Chicago band called Penance, the fact that Paul Grey (from Unida & Slipknot) sent his personal assistant to pick us up after the Witch gig in Des Moines (although he was recording with Slipknot in L.A. at the time) so we could stay at his most badass place outside of town (how fucking rock star is that?), and Denver’s Black Lamb (a pretty rocking band….much improved since we were last in town). Oh yeah, and we happened across Jarvis the Slob and Troy when Jumbo’s Killcrane opened for the Witch. After that we left a snowy Denver at 6:00 am for a haul all the way to Seattle. We drove until 2:00 am before getting our first hotel of the entire trip in Kennewick, WA. (only 5 hours from Seattle but it was late and icy as fuck). So this is where we pick up….

Friday November 7^th - Day 23

   Woke up in Kennewick, and took off for Seattle, the birthplace and burial site for Jimi Hendrix and grunge music. As we headed through Snoqualmie Pass, I was reminded of Ted Bundy and the remains of five victims he left there (I think of him every time I go through that pass). I also thought about Gary Ridgway, who recently admitted to strangling forty-eight women that he thought were prostitutes “because he didn’t want to pay for the sex”…admitting to being the worst serial killer in American history (at least he had the highest confirmed death toll)…the Green River Killer. On the news he said that killing prostitutes was a stronger addiction for him than alcohol is to an alcoholic. What is it about the Pacific Northwest that breeds these motherfuckers? Is it because it rains so fucking much?   While going through the icy pass, we got a good dose of snow. I’ve seen more snow the past four days than I’ve seen in Texas the past ten years.

   At any rate, we arrived in lovely Seattle early, where we were soon greeted by Ronia-Teargas-Red-Ruffle-Ass-Out, who flew up to see Claytallica, and will be accompanying us (yes an addition to the already overpacked van but at least we’re friends so I could give a fuck…more chicks means more power) all the way to L.A. I was more than happy to escape the boys for a while and hang out at her heroin-addict-jazz-musician Moore Hotel down the street. While looking at the Stranger, the fucking badass Seattle music mag, I noticed that Nashville Pussy and Peter Pan Speedrock (this fucking kickass band from the Netherlands) were playing close by at a venue called Chop Suey. I immediately called up Jeremy (drums / Nashville Pussy) and cruised over to say hell-o to everyone. The Dutch rockers were more than surprised to see me (they stayed at my house three years ago when they first came to Austin for SXSW), and gave me their new CD, , which features a song called Lone Star City, that has an ode to me and Looney (check it out). I made them promise to come see the Witch if they had the chance, and then had to haul ass back, as I’m selling merch for both the Witch and Camarosmith, who is doing nine shows with the Witch, all the way down the West Coast.

Insert roniateargas.jpg  “Ronia-Teargas-Red-Ruffle-Ass-Out”

Or insert peterpan.jpg  “Peter Pan Speedrockers”

   I was running around thirty minutes late for the rock show so Ronia dropped me off right in front of the Crocodile, which is owned by Peter Buck (guitarist for faggot ass R.E.M.) and his wife. Although the crowd may have been affected a little bit by the show at Chop Suey, there was still a good turn-out. I saw a lot of people I recognized / knew, including my buddy Kurt Cofelt (ex-Zeke, Load Levelers) and this cat Damon, who used to live in Austin, but now owns Pork Chop printing up in Seattle. Since I was in a separate room all night, I couldn’t really say how the show went. Camarosmith sounded good from a distance though and, according to Curt, the Witch played like shit. All I know is that the Peter Pan dudes who did show up (Bart / drums and Peter / vox, guitar) rocked the fuck out, and Bart bought about every piece of Dixie Witch merch that he could scoop up.  

   After the show we all took off to Damon’s house for more partying. Luckily I went to bed when I saw that the sun was coming up. Damon and Trinidad, however, decided to “press on.”

Insert camarozeke.jpg “Niels, Cofelt, Rew”

Saturday November 8^th – Day 24

   We left fairly late but with plenty of time to make it to Richland, Washington for the gig that night. The venue was this joint called Ray’s Golden Lion (has been open for 40 years) with a bartender whose name was Tiger (for the night), and who has hosted such acts as: Ike & Tina Turner, Frank Fucking Sinatra, Tiny Tim, and motherfucking Meatloaf. From Donny Paycheck (drums / Camarosmith & Zeke) I discover that Zeke is back full-force. They’re recording a new record in January, and just got signed to Relapse Records…label of (the Mighty) Mastodon, High on Fire, and the cool-and-rocking-as-fuck Bongzilla. Donny hung out with Nashville Pussy Jeremy the night before and it seems they talked about going out on the road together sometime in the spring. “All these possibilities that never existed before,” Donny explained, “because Zeke was too fucked up.” Fucked up or not…they fucking rock ass. And Ben Rew is a stylish motherfucker. Not only does he sport a sheepskin denim jacket, he has a turquoise belt buckle as well. In this town of Richland, there’s a huge Mexican population, due to the large number of vineyards and apple orchards…hence the large number of migrant workers. However, I didn’t see any Mexicans, just a lot of underage kids that were separated from the drinking populace by pseudo-barricades. Unfortunately that included me since the merch table was on the kiddie side. I had to keep running to the bar side and slamming Beam and cokes. Maybe that’s why I was staggering around. Well, the Witch fucking slayed, and there were a couple of dudes freaking the fuck out.

   Then Camarosmith took the stage with Ben announcing, “You know I love you people…do you love me back? I won’t suck your dick, but I’ll pat you on the back.” An anonymous, yet skilled entrepreneur said, “I can’t believe people are moshing to this. They have their own style…but then again, they sound like ‘faggot ass’ Pearl Jam”. Well, regardless of whatever the fuck they think, I personally know that I wasn’t necessarily a huge (or even a) Camarosmith fan in the first place. However, I have been won over to the dark…I mean light…side. Their songs hit me a lot harder than the first (and only) time I saw them before (about a year ago at Emo’s).

Insert camarorichland1.jpg “Camarosmith rocks Richland”

Or benrew.jpg “Ben Rew”

   Then Ronia pulled a good one. She told Tiger (our chubby Chinese bartender) that she’d hook him up with merch (she spent $66) if he would put on the Dixie Witch thongs. Well, he came out in a sumo baby suit, complete with a diaper and a bonnet, then Ronia helped him put the thongs on. It was fucking hilarious. The things girls can make boys do.

Insert roniatiger.jpg “If I could just get these thongs over the sumo baby suit!”

Or insert dixieposterchild.jpg “The Dixie Witch poster child”

Or insert dixieposter.jpg “Tiger & Claytallica fight over the thongs”

   After the show we went to a killer party at Atomic City Records. They didn’t have many records, but the ones they did have were good. Free beer & free weed. I went to find weed and the first dude I asked was the right guy. I can sniff them out. I got really buzzed (I know that’s hard for you to imagine)…so buzzed in fact that when Chris (guitar for Camarosmith) informed me that Ben Rew was Australian, and his name was spelled Roo (get it? Kanga…roo)…I believed him. How fucking gullible / gay is that? In any event, I laughed so hard I almost peed myself. That’s one of those times when you ask yourself if you should lay off the weed. Just for the sake of not being so fucking retarded. Then again, there is something to be said for laughing so hard you almost pee yourself. There was also this chick at the party that Ben kept calling the Romulan (I think it had something to do with her haircut), who thought I was a dude, insisting that no chicks have hips that small (what???). She also thought I was wearing a wig. When we finally escaped that madhouse, both bands went and stayed at this dude John’s totally tripped-out place, that had 11 beds and was right on the banks of the Yakima River. He had a bunch of dogs (I think 5) and, at almost any point, you could guarantee I had at least three on my lap.

Sunday November 9^th – Day 25

   Woke up on a mattress on the floor with about 12 other people (3 – Dixie Witch, 5 – Camarosmith, + miscellaneous partiers), got high, then went to go eat at the slowest-but-best-breffast-greasy-spoon-on-the-planet. Matt quipped, “Richland, Washington, where the minutes turn to hours.” While there, I observed how everyone in the town seemed unusual, like weird different unusual. Then Matt (guitar / Camarosmith) shed some light on the subject. I found out that the tri-city area around Richland is the site of a nuclear waste dump. “Actually it’s not just a waste dump,” Matt explained further. “This is where they built most of the nuclear bombs. See that sign over there with the mushroom cloud? That’s their high school logo. They’re the Richland bombers. I can’t make this shit up.” Then we stopped to fuel up and the motherfucking gas station didn’t take cash. What the fucking fuck??? Then it was on to the auto parts store to do some necessary van maintenance. Jeff observed, “This is one of those towns where everything revolves around the Dairy Queen.” I observed that Donny seems to be the van mechanic, because nobody else knows how to do anything. He even went so far as to wash the van windows, inside and out. I couldn’t help but think that the Witch would never dream of washing the outside, much less the inside, and definitely not the fucking windows. Chris noted, “Yeah, this van used to be used to cart retards around.” And Curt-the-burnout-who’s-always-ready-with-the-comeback responded, “Ours still is.” The tomfoolery aside, we made our way out of the weird ass nuclear bomb building town with Claytallica stating, “We’re ready to leave the Twilight Zone now.”

To be continued…

Rock – n – Roll Q & A with Supagroup

Who are your favorite bands / greatest influences?

Chris Lee (vox / guitar) – ACDC, Devo, Michael Jackson, the Pixies

Benji Lee (guitar) – My favorite bands are Dixie Witch and Honky. My greatest influences are pornography and Christianity.

Leif (bass) –  ZZ Top, the Ramones, John Paul Jones (I’m a big fan of him and his crew), Donald Duck Dunn (from Booker T. & the MG’s).

Mike Brueggen (drums) – Led Zeppelin, Devo, the Pixies. I can sit here and recite Chris’ answers for you.

 What is your definition of success in rock-n-roll?

Chris – I am success doing what I do right now…just playing music for people.

Benji – A few cool buds and some tasty waves.

Leif – What we’re doing just playing here tonight. I think we’re already successful at what we do.

Mike – Doing what you want to do when you want to do it.

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