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Austin's Sex In The City

We're fucked. What do you want me to say? This last weekend was a study in human sexual behavior. Things began on Wednesday night, as it turns out. I would have sworn it was a Friday, but apparently EL MATADOR'S "Liquid Wednesday's" (Translation Wet T-Shirt Night) are officialy putting the HUMP in humpday. Headed towards some of the more conventional bars on Red River, I couldn't help but notice the "Wet T-Shirt Contest" sign out in front of EL MATADOR. I immediately called up Shutter Bug and Willy to see if they could get a camera down to the joint. Of course they could. So, I went and announced to the establishment that I wanted to cover the event for Rank and Review. Joe, the doorman was hesitant to let me do so without some kind of legal release, so I called Willy and Shutter Bug back and told them to start typing. The two arrive with cameras and waivers in hand, and the debauchery began. The wet T-Shirt contest went just the way I like them; All wet and no T-Shirt. The next night, let's just say some girl went apeshit at the 710. Shit got so bad, you'll have to just ask
someome who was there, or forever remain in the dark. Let's just say that I could have sworn I saw Jodi Foster laying on a pinball machine at one point, and 710 doesn't even have a pinball machine. For the more suave and and faint at heart, I would also like to point out some of the recent goings on at Headhunters. I had the pleasure of watching the belly dancing skills of Elena Klara one night, and was then able to return the next evening for what I like to call "Painted-On Titty Night." POTN feature's Headhunter's bartendresses (reportedly the finest on Red River), serving drinks completely topless, save for the body paint and leis seperating man from bust.

TEXT: SEYMOUR TEATSE
PHOTOS : SHUTTERBUG

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