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 Wednesday
October 29th – Day 14
We
had plenty of time to kill at Will’s place in Cleveland
before making the two hour drive to the High Five in Columbus,
Ohio, so I spent the entire
fucking day on the computer checking e-mail and shit. By the
time we did roll in we were still early, so we went down to
Magnolia Thunderpussy, this killer record store down High
Street so we could torture ourselves by looking at things
we just plain couldn’t buy. En route, I
passed by the fatass warlock and the older dwarf witch,
sitting in the same spots with the same cat as the last time
I was here, in Salem West, Columbus’ witch store.
The
cool venue for the night, the High Five, is the joint with
the autographed KISS shit all over the walls. The coolness
of the venue, however, couldn’t help the opening bands, which
seemed like the ordinary-find-one-in-every-town “shit sandwich”
(as Curt affectionately refers to lousy openers).
I know for a fact now (this being my second time in
this whacked ass city) that there are a fuckload of fucking
freaks here, and the after-party proved my point. Fucking
fuuuuuuccckkk. It was chock full of straight-up-faggotry.
I sat down next to this fucking cat and immediately asked
him what drugs he was on and where I could get them. Then
I come to find out Oxycontin was his bag and is…not mine.
Then, come to figure out, every fucking hot dude there was
queer, and every chick was hitting on me (not that I have
anything against fags). After getting fed up with the decision-making
process about where we were staying (this went back and forth
between a sex phone operator that someone, I can’t remember
who, in the band wanted to fuck’s house…and / or the fags
we were hanging with’s house), I went to the van all pissed
off, just to come back and start doing bad things at 5:00
AM. Next thing I knew I found myself going to some bar down
the street that just happened to open at I don’t know what
time but it was prior to 7:30 AM…to drink more and scare the
fucking locals. Then I found myself staggering back to the
house of faggotry @ 9 in the morning, assured of hating all
life the next day. A direct quote from one of the aforementioned
fags (oops), in regards to Columbus,
“This place is about alcoholism. It’s all about getting drunk
and stumbling out of a bar.” So why is Goth so big in Columbus?
The fag says, “People want to be dead living here. And there
are a bunch of witches too.”
Thursday
October 30th – Day 15
Well
it’s Devil’s night in Detroit…and
I wonder if I should be scared. A result of the riots, Devil’s
night in Detroit
basically means that people get really fucked up the night
before Hell-oween, and run around setting off fireworks, shooting
guns and burning down buildings. It’s an excuse for people
to raise hell in general. The club was in the hood (to say
the least…what part of Detroit isn’t in a hood???) but the
opening band was motherfucking Honky, followed by Dixie Witch
(yawn), followed by the most groovy Five
Horse Johnson, who’s got their “bluesy boogie-woogie”
(Trinidad) going on. It ended up being a pretty good fucking
turn-out for Detroit Rock City. Some homeless chick was hanging
out and wanted to “borrow” a band t-shirt so she could go
check the band out without feeling out of place. Out of place?
What the fuck? Then she kept asking me if it was cool if she
was in the club, because she looked different than everyone
else. By the end of the night she was asking me for a dollar.
You know what? I don’t have a fucking dollar…and if I did…I
most definitely would not give it to your total-bullshit-sob-story-giving-est-ass.
Lots of partiers in Detroit…as well as the home/birthplace
to/of Godbullies, Thrall, Detroit Cobras, White Stripes and Evil Dead’s Bruce Campbell…not to mention
director Sam Raimi.
Insert
5horse.jpg “Five Horse Johnson”
After
the show I helped Honky load their equipment, sidestepping
a puddle of vomit. I took my photo-op, and snapped a photo
of said puddle, while Pinkus quipped, “Here’s my memory of
Detroit…puke on the sidewalk”. Then we went and crashed over
at Spring and Amber’s pad, watching their dog try to skateboard
and listening to assloads of Penance and the mighty Pentagram.
Insert
Detroit.jpg “Vomit!”
Insert
pinkyedit.jpg “Pinkus Reads the WWAD”
Insert
reignofterror.jpg “Reyna Terror Skateboards”
Friday
October 31st - Day 16
Ate
at this weird we have everything joint called the Ram Horn,
and got back in my home away from home to catch up on some
sleep during the seven hour drive to Milwaukee and Buddha’s
warehouse party. When I woke up, we listened to the new Keelhaul
and the re-release of the first Witch album (out of print
up until today…when we received 100 of them from Scott Hamilton,
owner of Smallstone Records) with a bonus live track. When
we finally got to the warehouse I was feeling really un-Hell-oweeny,
as I had slept all day and wasn’t scary looking (only my normal
scary self). I had some make-up and an S & M kimono, so
I decided to try to create something out of that. My discovery
that the warehouse had but one bathroom, with no fucking mirror,
combined with the fact that it was fucking freezing fucking
cold, however, resigned me to saying (for the first time in
my life), “Fuck Halloween…I’m going as a rocker!” The warehouse
party ended up being way fucking killer with some bizarre-ass-rocking
openers called Terminus Victor. The booze was all free
and you had to walk the pot gauntlet just to get in the door.
Needless to say, it was rocking. The always scary looking
and noisy ass Blackwater was so badass that night I almost freaked the fuck out.
Insert
terminus.jpg “Terminus
Victor”
Insert
potter.jpg “Blackwater”
Insert
milwaukeewitch.jpg “Dixie Witch Scares Milwaukee”
Insert
jokers.jpg “A couple of real jokers”
Once
the party wound down I got a late-night call from Gary in
LOFREQ, a band
I book for out of St. Louis, saying, “I know you guys are
in Milwaukee right now.” Turns out they had played at the
bar V’Nuck’s and were wanting to kidnap me and take me to
Chicago early. I fucking agreed. I mean, stay at the Blackwater
house in Milwaukee and get to Chicago right before show time?
Or head to Chicago in the middle of the night and get to spend
the whole day there? Duh.
Insert
gary.jpg “Gary the Kidnapper”
Insert
lofreq.jpg “LOFREQ”
 Well
the LOFREQ kidnapping resulted in 3 hours of driving around
(we got lost leaving Milwaukee, entering Chicago, and once
in Chicago). When I asked who the navigator was I was informed,
“You are, you’re the one sitting shotgun.” Fucking great.
On top of that, there was no fucking map in the van, or at
least not one of Chicago. We went by the Exit Room where their
friend was supposed to be (although it was 5:50 AM at that
point and I imagine the club closed at 5:00 AM, although LOFREQ
claimed it didn’t close until 6:00 AM). In any case, we couldn’t
get the fuck in so I suspect they were fucking closed. Then
we had to wait 40 minutes to get a room at the Heart of Chicago
hotel (which was far from the heart of Chicago) so we wouldn’t
have to check out four hours later (we didn’t make it there
until 6:20 AM). I kept eyeing Mother Egan’s, a bar across
the street (there were some punk rockers waiting to get in
as it opened at 7:00AM). Too bad I had forgotten to ask Daddy
Claytallica for my per diem before I left Milwaukee. I only
had $8 for the whole day in Chicago.
To be
continued…
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