Wendy's WWAD Saturday October 25th – Day 10 (continued)

   We arrived in Philadelphia around 8:00PM and went straight to Greg and Jen’s house, where there was beer and bar-b-que waiting…then took off for the Speakeasy. Trinidad was being a total asshole that night, to the point of telling Claytallica I couldn’t have any of the band beer (you gotta be fucking shitting me). At this rate, I’m considering asking Honky if I can jump in their van and go back to Austin early. I don’t know if I can deal with Trinidad for the whole West Coast trip, and I know he can’t deal with me.

   At the venue, I noticed that there were lots of safety-pins-mullets-leatherjackets-piercings-tattooedmotherfuckers-rockers-and-chubby-chicks-in-tight-clothes. The opening band that night was called The Woodsmen, and the singer, Brian, started off the set with, “We’ve gotten in trouble with a lot of people for saying things in the wrong company, and pretty much pissing everyone off. Some people say that’s why we can’t play anywhere”. “Naw, that’s just because we suck”, the bass player chimed in. Well in spite of the introduction, I thought they fucking rocked. Brian had a killer stage presence and a lot of charisma for a big-fucking-huge-tattooed-out-bald-dude. He played with some barbed wire wrapped around his forearm and hand, which clenched a tambourine…and he was all over the place.

Insert brianwoodsmen.jpg “Brian” Insert brianwoodsmen1.jpg “The Woodsmen”

Then the Witch took over and I paid little attention, as I’m still pissed at Trinidad. Instead, I sat around and shot the shit with Brian from the Woodsmen. Brian, who used to be a professional wrestler that went by the name of Crass singer Steve Ignorant (“I was trying to think of the biggest pussy name I could”) told me that the Woodsmen Militia can’t even go into the Trocadero (a popular Philly venue) because, the last time they played there, “This dude was in my way so I put my balls on his head because I thought it would get him to move. Well he didn’t move so I got this fireball and threw it in his face. Then he moved…but we can never play there again”. He also told me about his old band, Big Hate, and the time “I tried to shoot up a baseball while my girlfriend at the time (who I had known about 20 minutes) was talking out her ass and made me miss. Well, when your rig jumps up your fucking arm you get fucking pissed. My arm swelled up the size of a fucking grapefruit”.  Then my buddy Anthony gave me a beer and said, “You know what, we all miss sometimes”. Obviously this guy was a total freak. He claims he doesn’t make friends easily…but I suspect he’s lying.

   During this entire spiel the Witch was still playing. I don’t know if the Witch’s following has tapered off or what, but there hasn’t been that many people at their shows, with attendance tonight being only 70 or 80 people. However, the Philly rockers who were there were butt shaking. I also observed (as I have at least a million fucking times) that Trinidad says,Yeah, yeah, yeah….oooohhhh, yeah, yeah, yeah” way too fucking much. If I hear “yeah, yeah, yeah” one more fucking time, I’m going to fucking vomit…or fucking kill somebody.        

Insert brianwoodsmen4.jpg “Brian has Scumfuck tattooed on his stomach”

   Then Hellblock 6, definitely-one-of-my-new-top-10-rock-ass-bands (I saw them on the summer tour the first time…check out Black Sabbath Beky’s CD review of Nuclear Age in our last issue) took over with,Let’s get some fucking mosh action”. They embody many styles of music, from punk rock to thrash, and are even kind of death metal. As Claytallica put it, “They have something for everyone”. A three piece, the singer / drummer, Anthony, sounds really fucking pissed off. His brother, Greg, plays guitar and is our Philly-place-to-crash-and-a-most-bad-ass-tattoo-artist. Noelle, the hot ass chick bass player, rocks so hard she has an Angus Young portrait tattoo on her ass. I especially like how their CD says “recorded in 15 hours” on it. Besides Hellblock 6 and the Woodsmen, the other high point of the night was that, being daylight savings time, we all got to drink an extra hour (no thanks to / and in spite of fucking Trinidad).

Insert anthonyhell.jpg “Anthony Hellblock” Insert Noelle.jpg “Noelle Angus Young”

Sunday October 26th – Day 11

   Woke up and made a desperate attempt to catch up on some e-mail while smoking more killer bud. As we left Philadelphia, I noticed there were lots of brick houses and American flags. Maybe they’re just more colonial-patriotic up here in the land of Ben Franklin and the Liberty Bell. Then we traveled up through Pennsylvania, where there are veritable assloads of Amish…in fact, I think they’re multiplying. It got dark early, and was raining all the way to Rochester, New York. My second time here, I liked it as much as the first. We were greeted with free all-you-can-eat bar-b-que, complete with Diane’s licensed Dixie Witch bar-b-que sauce… Texas approved (you can buy this from the Witch for a mere 6 bucks). Then Curt got me high and gave me a couple hits off his whiskey bottle (I was still afraid to drink around Trinidad). And, although he’s started trying to talk to me (now that he’s gotten some fucking sleep), I still think he’s a fucking dick.

   I entertained myself by writing and getting drunk, which was easy to do since the club gave us a free bar tab. The Bug Jar is owned by Bobby T., one of the coolest dudes on the planet. They call him Mason Dixon because he likes a lot of bands south of that line…and is a huge Honky, Dixie Witch, and Spiders fan. He and the sound guy, Nick, kept dragging me (kicking and screaming) to the office out back, getting me super stoned on killer bud. I could have given a fuck about the bands, as none of them were worth a shit except for Rochester’s own Heatseeker.

Insert bobbytspider.jpg “Bobby T. loves the Spiders”

   When the bands were done (they end by midnight here), Nick basically let me control the airwaves. I ran out to the van and grabbed the new Speedealer (recorded by Honky’s Jeff Pinkus) and he played the whole fucking thing for me, followed by some cranking Murder City Devils. In between rocking out, we kept going to the basement and getting high, then doing more and more shots. At some point I looked out the window and saw that Claytallica and Trinidad were going at it outside. Trinidad ripped off his denim jacket and threw it on the sidewalk, while yelling at Clay about something. I just turned around, went back to the basement, and smoked more weed. It turns out that Trinidad was quitting the band again…for about the third time so far this trip. Eventually we went to Diane’s and crashed.

Monday October 27th – Day 12

   Woke up and took off, having to go by Rochester’s legendary House of Guitars (where they have signed Ace Frehley and Randy Rhoads guitars), in order to get Trinidad new bass drum heads. There must be something about Rochester because Trini busted both of his bass drum heads the last time we were here as well. That accomplished, we ate and hit the road, with a seven hour drive to the Elbow Room in Ypsilanti, Michigan and another gig with Honky. The place was a dive but they played some decent music, from Kitty Wells to Hank Williams III. The opening band was 100 Watt Head (the harmonica toting rockers who had played with us last summer in Lansing). The funny thing about those guys was that two of the members were the founders of R.A.C.K.E.T. (Rockers Against Corporate KISS’ Evil Tyranny), who want to sue Gene Simmons for stealing their childhoods and forcing them to become merchandise-buying-rockers.

   Being a Monday night, it was pretty fucking slow at the Elbow. In fact, most of the folks there were in the bands. And being a Monday night, it was ladies’ night at the club. When Honky took the stage, Pinkus jokingly asked where the ladies were, before deciding that Curt was about the hottest one. I had to admit that Honky sounded badass. Bobby Rock and Pinkus are a comedy act, and Kenny was seriously rocking. He’s got the shit down, and has totally improved them as a band…making them sound much harder and heavier.

Insert honkylove.jpg “Honky in Ypsilanti

   Then the Witch played and sounded killer as well. Once again, Pinkus got up and sang Here Today, Gone Tomorrow with Trinidad. This could be the ode to Handsome Joel tour. After the show, Honky took off with their buddies, Rachel and Jeff, where they have been staying the past two days with nothing to do (having the days off since their Canadian gigs got cancelled). The Witch, on the other hand, had an appointment in Cleveland, so we went to the sound guy’s house, where we watched the box set of The Young Ones until we passed out.

Tuesday October 28th – Day 13

   Went and ate Vietnamese food with Leighton from Chapstick and loaded up the gear from the previous night before the eight hour drive to the Grog Shop in Cleveland, where the Witch was scheduled to play with the most awesome Bad Wizard. The ride was pretty uneventful, except for the fact that it was cold and rainy as fuck. When we pulled up at the Grog, the Wizard was already there…and very surprised to see yours truly. I was kind of surprised to see myself there as well, in light of the way Trini and I have been going at it (what happened was that Clayton sat down and told him that, like it or not, they weren’t getting rid of me…so the smart thing to do would be to try to get along, since we still have three weeks on the road together). Also, since Trini keeps quitting the band whenever he drinks too much whiskey, there was also the “work as a team” and “keep up morale” talk.

   That bullshit aside, I was all excited to run into guitar virtuoso and buddy of mine, Eddie Wizard (I can’t remember his last name). After taking an inventory of our decreasing tubs of merch and reporting to Daddy Claytallica, I joined Eddie at the bar, and started sucking down Beam and Cokes and shooting the shit. Whoever-the-fucking-first-band-was sucked a giant dick. The singer had to be insane…or at least there had to be some excuse for his retarded antics, which included air boxing, running in place, and beating himself about the head. On top of that, he was wearing this fucking rust colored dress suit vest, without a shirt underneath, and had about the best seventies porn mustache I’ve ever seen. They kind of freaked me out.

Insert curtisgalaga.jpg “Curtis is obsessed with Galaga” Insert eddie.jpg “Eddie & Curtis”Insert tinathebeautemous “Tina rocks”

   Then Bad Wizard took over and slayed with their hip-shaking-boogie-woogie. The downside of all of this was that, with the exception of Aaron (guitar / vox for Keelhaul) and Will (drums / Keelhaul), and about fifteen (maybe) other people…there was no one else there. At least I got to see them, and rocked out for every lame motherfucker that lives in the ugly ass town of Cleveland. The Witch rocked particularly hard (probably because they were following the likes of the Wizard), and drummers Will and Scott (Bad Wizard) were totally fagging out, sitting on the side of the stage…mesmerized by Trinidad. After the show, I tried to coerce the Wizard to go over to Will Keelhaul’s place and party with us, but they had an appointment with their lawyer in Chicago the next day. Instead, we invaded Will’s place, got all liquored up, and listened to his insane music collection till we passed out.

To be continued…


Rock-n-Roll Q & A with Ron Holzner from Debris Inc., Goat Snake, Mustache, and the 80’s metal band Trouble

 Who are your favorite bands / greatest influences?

Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin…’cause they’re the only two bands worth mentioning.

And Keith Richards…’cause he’s still alive

 What is your definition of success in rock-n-roll?

To write and play music from the heart. To write and sing from within, then play it for other people. And when they like it, that’s the greatest feeling in the world.

Anecdote – Back in the day, Mustache showed up a day late for a gig at Emo’s and they still let them play.


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