Miss Conduct's Island of Misfits Toy Drive
Allen Street Warehouse, December 6th

Of the forty million people living with HIV/AIDS worldwide, nearly three million are children under fifteen. What if you had been born with HIV? Seems bleak during Christmastime. Still trying to figure out why you weren't at this toy drive with Honky, Tuna Helpers, Murfph, and DJ Spiv, when all you had to do was bring a toy for a child with AIDS? There was a raffle with items from bigfatmeanie.com, Buffalo Exchange, Alamo Drafthouse and Forbidden Fruit plus a silent auction with items from Bobby Love, Pipes Plus, Diablo Rojo, Kenneth B. Gall photography, Through The Looking Glass and Telepathic Tattoo. I won a Manic Panic hair package/new hairdo for practically nothing.

Miss Conduct? Island of Misfits? A tattoo? I skated with Miss Conduct in the roller derby. In 2002, Miss Conduct was voted crowd favorite, and she probably still is. All of her fucked up friends (me included) drug our tired ol' asses east of Red River to make a very wealthy contribution to those poor sick kids.

Tuna Helpers did a puppet show fit for
David Lynch, complete with costumes and sign language. Honky stuffed our stockings with a little southern rock, the Neon Cowboy picked up Miss Conduct with his teeth, and it was time to go. The misfits care, even if they don't look like it. I bet every single person who bought a toy thought at least a little bit about this horrible problem. I know that I broke into tears when I bought Candyland. Kids with AIDS? Seems they deserve a little more.

I tip my leopard-print cowboy hat to everyone who brought a toy, served a drink, sold a raffle ticket, checked my id, etc. Sorry to stand on my soapbox, but everyone who didn't make it needs to look around and be thankful for all they have and make the best of their AIDS/HIV-free life. Happy Holidays! And you better be wearing a condom right now! IF you did miss out on the fun, you can still visit www.youarevital.org.

-Beth Sams




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