NoMeansNo are pioneers in European and American Punk Rock scenes. Legendary and Iconic! Best of all…. THEY ARE STILL TOURING!!! LIKE BEASTS, actually. Even more amazing is that FFF Fest convinced them to take ONE DAY off from their European tour and come play in Austin! They have that minor chord, scary, dark and moody punk, with killer jazz overtones. They have played with and influenced so many of our favorite punk acts. Their hooks and catchy riffs, sink teeth deep. Hard not to be infected like a zombie and find yourself walking in circles with your friends, jumping from the tops of speaker stacks, in a trance controlled by The Hanson Brothers. That is right! The Hanson Brothers are deep undercover as the band, Nomeansno, to take control of your brain. Or is Nomeansno undercover as The Hanson Brothers? Either way, Nomeansno is coming and they want live brains!
As expected, Nomeansno and Bay Area thrash metal legends Slayer will be participating in Much Music’s “Fan Swap” reality TV series to air in 2013. Sometime in 2012, each band will assume the other’s tour schedule and set list for two weeks and surprise unsuspecting fans. Nomeansno will be adding local guitar legend Joseph Keithley to provide a second guitar while Slayer plans to let Jeff Hanneman pursue a little time as a haberdasher in Norwich UK. This has been his dream since childhood. Nomeansno’s Tom Holliston said he just can’t wait to do the shriek that harks the arrival of “Angel of Death“. He told local music journalist Allan MacInnis that he practices the wailing every single morning while waiting for the bus on East Hastings. Slayer’s Tom Araya says he envisions quite a task in front of his band as they must prove themselves worthy of the notoriously rowdy and fisticuffs-happy Nomeansno fan-base.
Ever the environmentally friendly pals of Al Gore and, in fact, the entire planet Earth, Nomeansno is announcing their latest method to reduce their carbon footprint. With a new album in the works, the quartet has decided to record entirely without electricity, using solely the acoustical effects of the planet’s sphere to resonate the music worldwide. Touring will be done in a carbon neutral carriage pulled by eco-friendly mules named Steven, Fred, and Marge. Venues are being asked to refrain from advertising by any other method than word-of-mouth and bicycle messenger.
If Raul Wright cares about the planet, shouldn’t you?
Of course everyone knows that Nomeansno is from Canada and The Hanson Brothers HATE hockey. Being born in Victoria and calling Vancouver home now, would explain why they grew up not liking the national sport, and liking baseball instead. Probably explains why Emo kids across the planet don’t like any sports. Nomeansno is not Emo, but you can blame their brand of jazzy punk math rock as the beginning of Emo. They have been releasing propaganda to the listening public since 1980. Which makes them wonder what they would have done if the Wright brothers were really never brothers. Who are these Hanson guys anyways?
Hanson Brothers Occupy Practice Place
Hanson Brothers enter a second week of occupying their practice place, drawing international attention to the ongoing banking irregularities. Citing a significant “lack of dough” in the band account and “mysteriously dwindling” resources, Johnny Hanson says the band “is here for the long run…for now”. Despite intense pressure from City Hall to “stop calling”, the Hansons remain diligent, keeping Mayor Tommy Shanks on speed dial. “We are the 110%“, explains Tommy, “So there’s more of us than the rest them is total to that.” A tent city has been erected near the drum set and temporary latrines have gone up beside the bathroom. Johnny Hanson was asked what they hope to achieve. “We had meetings each night and decided to take role call and now we have quorums. A drum circle almost broke out. There were some tense moments.” When asked why the Occupy movement seemed unable to coalesce and had no singular focus Johnny reiterated, “Look, every time I go to the bank there’s 20 bucks missing. The next investment banker I see gets a knuckle massage.” Robby Hanson looked nervous but had no comment.
W Buzz Ryan.
Hanson Brothers official practice place
Johnny Hanson’s brothers Robbie and Tommy are expected to comment about the formal announcement of Johnny Hanson QUITTING the Hanson Brothers, once it has been formally announced.
The Hanson Brothers will be joined on all dates by their new cousin, drummer Mikey Hanson, a professor of linguistic studies at the university of Rice Wine, in Leiden. Mikey Hanson is compiling a dictionary of words beginning with the letter ‘R‘ and followed by the letter ‘H‘; he is currently working hard on a third word beginning with the letter ‘R‘, and followed by the letter ‘H‘. He expects to reach the end of this word sometime during the tour.
Tour Smart by Rob Wright:
an interview excerpt detailing NoMeansNo’s success as a touring artist
So you think you do better in Europe than over here?
Rob: Oh yeah, we do. Twice better in Europe than as in North America. We always have. It’s kinda weird, but you know what it is? — It’s liquor. All those little all ages places can serve beer. Every little town had its youth center, government funded, nice PA, little stage, cafe bar where they could sell liquor. So every show when people would come, even if it was only twenty people they were all drinking. Money was generated so these places survived and people started bands and they had a really strong scene. In North America, you can’t sell liquor at an all ages show, so they cannot make money. So they cannot stay going. So that’s why the scene in North America has always been weaker than Europe. Weaker, weaker, weaker than Europe. It really wasn’t the artistic sensibility.
NoMeansNo was named after Mr. Wrong’s dog wouldn’t stop using the bathroom on his pillow.
By: Mark Marker