An Interview with BLAG from the Dwarves

WW: We haven’t seen you guys since last fall when Nashville Pussy opened for you at Emo’s, one of the final shows at their downtown location. What has been up with the Dwarves?

BLAG: The Dwarves have crossed the globe and the country hyping the Dwarves Are Born Again record and sodomizing young girls with braces. What have you been up to?

WW: Is it a rumor that HeWhoCanNotBeNamed is now HeWhoIsNoLongerInTheBand?

BLAG: HeWhoCanNotBeNamed is a once and future Dwarf for life. The thing is, he dies sometimes. Never fear though, he’s been…Born Again!

WW: What’s the current Dwarves lineup? How many past members were you able to get to play on The Dwarves Are Born Again?

BLAG: The mighty HeWho, Chip Fracture, Gregory Pecker and the Fresh Prince of Darkness are the stars. Sometimes you get Rex Everything, SWAT Team King. Every Dwarf that anyone remembers was on the last record including Vadge Moore, Sgt. Saltpeter, Wholly Smokkes, Clint Torres and on and on. We’re the Wu-Tang Clan of Punk!

WW: There was a 7 year gap between The Dwarves Must Die and your most recent release, The Dwarves Are Born Again (2011). What were you doing throughout the hiatus?

BLAG: Lots of coke! Also a couple albums, like Candy Now (retro female vocal fun), Nina (Blag spoken scatology), HeWhoCanNotBeNamed (the solo joint). I published the dirty book Nina and started a radio show with Mike Routhier called

Also, we watched some TV!

WW: Did you do most of the production / engineering on this record? And don’t you usually do your own mixing? When did you start doing that? How did you learn?

BLAG: I’m a record producer. I have input into every part of it, but try to get people who are good at what they do to mix and record stuff for us. Songwriting and arranging are also a big part of making a record. Most producers don’t even try to fuck with that stuff, they just record stuff and hope.

I was taught production by Eric Valentine. That’s why Dwarves records with no budget sound so much better than all those records that cost a fortune and you still have to pretend they sound good, even though you know they don’t.

WW: Is there any significance behind the title? Did you feel like The Dwarves Are Born Again was a return to your roots?

BLAG: We made a record called The Dwarves Must Die that featured every genre – punk, pop, hip/hop, noise, garage – tons of different styles. Since we died on the last record, we had to be Born Again this time.

Old time Dwarves fans do like this one better. They say it’s got more guitar, it’s more punk. But if you listen, they’ve all been punk. We can’t do it any other way.

WW: Are you guys still on Greedy! Records? If so, how’s that working out for you?

BLAG: We own Greedy Records, which would be great if anyone bought records anymore. It’s also nice because we don’t have to pretend we like the other bands on our label, there aren’t any.

WW: Are the Dwarves full-time for you? Or do you have a day job?

BLAG: My day job is getting high and fucking way more attractive girls than I have a right to. I owe it all to the Dwarves, my huge cock and clean living.

WW: Why do you think the Dwarves have such staying power?

BLAG: Look, most punk bands suck, they always have. Most bands of any kind suck. When you go back and listen to our records or watch our shows, you know who the masters are in this game.

We never had management or even a label that gave a fuck about us, so our marketing was substandard. Most music ‘fans’ don’t actually respond to music, only music marketing, sometimes clothing marketing or skateboard marketing.

But never fear my friends – The Scum Also Rises!

WW: If you could describe the Dwarves’ sound to the uninitiated in 8 words or less?

BLAG: The Dwarves Are Still the Best Band Ever.

WW: You’re all over the place during your live showsswinging from the rafters, stage diving, have you ever been seriously injured during a show? Or injured someone in the audience? Haha…

BLAG: I’ve been stabbed onstage, but then again I’ve also been fellated there. I’ve been beaten over the head with bottles, punched, kicked, spat on and everything else you can think of. We’ve been hospitalized, arrested, thrown out of town…they just can’t stop the Dwarves!

WW: What first inspired you to start a band?

BLAG: Teenage girls.

WW: What are some of the pros of being a rock star? Cons?

BLAG: We’re not rock stars, we’re rock legends! The pros are sex, drugs and the certain knowledge that we’re the best band in the world. On the con side, there’s watching idiots play wack shit on TV and having your aged relatives say, “how come we never see you on the television?”

WW: Are you still pursuing your literary career? Numerous side projects? Radio like You Want It?

BLAG: is still on the air, chock full of interviews and weird tunes. I write regularly for and and a new novel is in the works and conservatives and the silly shit they say.

Next I’m either going to write an opera or a musical or an info-mercial about maxi-pads called ‘We Must Have Blood!’

WW: How have you been so prolific…cranking out more than 20 albums?

BLAG: I had a lot of help with the Dwarves records. All those guys are great players and songwriters so it was fun. The albums I produced for other bands were kind of cool too, because I actually got paid for those.

It’s tough to be prolific now because the music biz has collapsed, but you’ve got to stay on the grind or you get boring. Real rock bands can always play live. Beware of internet bands!

WW: Is it true that you guys are re-releasing some of your earlier albums? I know you already did The Dwarves Must Die with some bonus tracks…

BLAG: Look for the greatly expanded The Dwarves Are Young and Good Looking record coming soon. Also, the Penetration Moon full length album.

WW: How did you hook up with Bobby Faust, your most often used cover model?

BLAG: He is an icon of Dwarfitude! The late great Chris Wetzel put an ad in the Village Voice looking for 13 naked girls and a dwarf. The rest is history…

WW: If you could be reincarnated as an animal, what would you be?

BLAG: A bonobo chimp. They fuck a lot!

WW: Have you ever thought about running for office?

BLAG: Even I wouldn’t vote for me.

WW: What does the rest of 2012 hold for the Dwarves?

BLAG: We’re going to Florida, Texas, Chicago, Hollywood, all over the country. More fun,  mayhem and adventure, the usual!

WW: Final words of wisdom to your legions of fans?

BLAG:  Has every song, video and dirty pic you’ll ever need. We’re 5 years ahead of our time!

Texas Forever!




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