By Wendy WWAD
RR: Gwar’s most
recent metal monstrosity, “Bloody Pit of Horror” on Metal Blade Records
hits stores November 9th. What can we expect from this offering?
GWAR: For your
head, lungs, and liver to explode in a molecule-bursting display of showering
blood and brain matter. If you can survive that, then you can expect yet another
completely sick and crushingly heavy GWAR album--the perfect follow-up
to last years "Lust in Space", and the ultimate capper to
our 25th Anniversary "Slay-a-Bration."
RR: How did Gwar
convince network television to allow them to perform live for the first
time ever, this coming October 28th on "Late Night with Jimmy
Fallon"? Aren’t they concerned about Fallon’s safety? Or the hordes
of humans that can potentially be brainwashed during the viewing?
GWAR: The usual
way-threats and violence! And seeing that I delayed doing this interview so
long the rest of this question is irrelevant! He did survive, and so did Dana
RR: According to
Gwar legend, after the Scumdogs of the Universe were banished to this
“seething mudball known as Earth” (www.gwar.net), they fucked the animal population,
thus creating the human race. Why, then, would Gwar be hell-bent on
the destruction of the human race? Aren’t they, in essence, your children?
True enough, but it was a mistake--when we fucked the apes we were hoping
for a half-ape/half-GWAR super ape, instead we got you bizarre hairless
pink things. So it's been our mission to wipe you out ever since!
RR: When the Master
found out that Gwar had spawned the human race, he was so enraged that
he banished Gwar to icy Antarctic tombs. They were discovered millions
of years later, after a hole was burnt in then ozone by 80’s hair metal bands,
when Sleazy P. Martini stumbled across them, getting them hooked on crack
and handing them electric guitars (www.gwar.net).
Are you still hooked on crack?
GWAR: Yes, I am
happy to say that my crack-consumption has crossed to over the 10 -ton a day
mark. When I smoke crack I actually am lowered into great crack-mines with
a belching flame-thrower in my hands. I just blast and suck.
RR: If you could
make any human your personal slave, who would it be and why?
I wouldn't. You make terrible slaves. All you do is break. I would
perhaps employ you as a door-stopper.
RR: What is the
secret to a band’s longevity? How have you guys survived each other and the
music industry for so long? And how long has it actually been now?
25 years---well actually 26 now! We didn't realize when we made our 25th
anniversary celebration two years long that we would enter our 26th! Quite
frankly I am sick to death of all this anniversary shit and I wish it was
just over! There, I said it!
How about those Redskins?
GWAR: The proud
bearers of the most racist team name in football are well on their way to
another suck-ass season. At least they are doing better than the Cowboys!
RR: Who are your
favorite bands and / or influences?
heavy and horrible. And that does not only include bands, but also mortar
barrages, exploding helicopters, and bubonic plague. I won't name any bands
that I like because I am contractually obligated to not say anything nice
about anybody ever. But I do love me some Lemmy!
RR: What is your
definition of success in rock-n-roll?
Rocking the house with your dick hanging out!