GWAR Interview
By Wendy WWAD

RR: Gwar’s most recent metal monstrosity, “Bloody Pit of Horror” on Metal Blade Records hits stores November 9th. What can we expect from this offering?

GWAR: For your head, lungs, and liver to explode in a molecule-bursting display of showering blood and brain matter. If you can survive that, then you can expect yet another completely sick and crushingly heavy GWAR album--the perfect follow-up to last years "Lust in Space", and the ultimate capper to our 25th Anniversary "Slay-a-Bration."

RR: How did Gwar convince network television to allow them to perform live for the first time ever, this coming October 28th on "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon"?  Aren’t they concerned about Fallon’s safety? Or the hordes of humans that can potentially be brainwashed during the viewing?

GWAR: The usual way-threats and violence! And seeing that I delayed doing this interview so long the rest of this question is irrelevant! He did survive, and so did Dana Carvey!

RR: According to Gwar legend, after the Scumdogs of the Universe were banished to this “seething mudball known as Earth” (www.gwar.net), they fucked the animal population, thus creating the human race. Why, then, would Gwar be hell-bent on the destruction of the human race? Aren’t they, in essence, your children? Your creation?

GWAR: True enough, but it was a mistake--when we fucked the apes we were hoping for a half-ape/half-GWAR super ape, instead we got you bizarre hairless pink things. So it's been our mission to wipe you out ever since!

RR: When the Master found out that Gwar had spawned the human race, he was so enraged that he banished Gwar to icy Antarctic tombs. They were discovered millions of years later, after a hole was burnt in then ozone by 80’s hair metal bands, when Sleazy P. Martini stumbled across them, getting them hooked on crack and handing them electric guitars (www.gwar.net). Are you still hooked on crack?

GWAR: Yes, I am happy to say that my crack-consumption has crossed to over the 10 -ton a day mark. When I smoke crack I actually am lowered into great crack-mines with a belching flame-thrower in my hands. I just blast and suck.

RR: If you could make any human your personal slave, who would it be and why?

GWAR: I wouldn't. You make terrible slaves. All you do is break. I would perhaps employ you as a door-stopper.

RR: What is the secret to a band’s longevity? How have you guys survived each other and the music industry for so long? And how long has it actually been now?

GWAR: 25 years---well actually 26 now! We didn't realize when we made our 25th anniversary celebration two years long that we would enter our 26th! Quite frankly I am sick to death of all this anniversary shit and I wish it was just over! There, I said it!

 RR: How about those Redskins?

GWAR: The proud bearers of the most racist team name in football are well on their way to another suck-ass season. At least they are doing better than the Cowboys!

RR: Who are your favorite bands and / or influences?

GWAR: Anything heavy and horrible. And that does not only include bands, but also mortar barrages, exploding helicopters, and bubonic plague. I won't name any bands that I like because I am contractually obligated to not say anything nice about anybody ever. But I do love me some Lemmy!

RR: What is your definition of success in rock-n-roll?

GWAR: Rocking the house with your dick hanging out!


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